Stanley Cup Riots

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Snarky

I’ve been away from Snarkicism for a while and was pondering what to do with this website. I thought I’d run out of snark… well apparently tonight has refueled me.

Stanley Cup, Game 7, Vancouver BC, Canucks lost big time.

So what do the polite Canadians do? Well they riot of course. Seriously? WTF??

Now before you say, you don’t know – you weren’t there… I was.

So here are my observations:

1) They need to legalize pot and outlaw alcohol. If the crowd had been smokin, there would have been no riot. If there ever was an argument to win me over, tonight was it.

2) People are seriously stupid. People were attempting to push their way through the shoulder to shoulder crowd (I was so close to the guy in front of my that I was boob-checking him all first period… ok he liked it but still). “We just want to get over to the curb so we can see better.” yeah and like there is a free curb over there because no one else thought of standing there.

The assholes forcing their way through the crowd were even worse. Although it was highly amusing when they got to where they were going and realized… hey there are people here too. No Shit Sherlock.

3) I love the VPD (Vancouver Police Department) I’ve been to the fan zone for almost every game in the finals. Their show of strength was reassuring and their presence kept the crowd reasonably well behaved… until game 7 when for some reason they pulled the screening stations and there was open liquor everywhere (teenagers guzzling from a 40 of vodka is not cool). I really hope they had a good reason. I’m pretty smart and damned if I can figure one out. I feel like the computer in War Games trying to find a best case scenario and failing. We left the fan zone at the end of the 2nd period. We could already hear breaking glass.

4) As I read the reports, (Vancouver made the NY Times before 9:30pm Pacific time) I want to remind folks that the idiots rioting and looting downtown are not the fans. The fans were the dejected folks, silently crammed into the skytrain when the third period ended. The morons you see on the news, and on facebook, and flickr and youtube have been waiting for this chance. None of them are hockey fans.

5) Oh yeah and looters – ‘smile’ your face is being plastered all over the internet… I hope you didn’t like your job. Remember that chickie who flashed her boobs got fired, what the hell do you think is going to happen to you?

*sighs*

Posted in Just Plain Rude, Sheer Stupidity | Leave a comment

freedom of speech

Posted on November 4, 2010 by Snarky

I’ve run into a few of these people lately and I’m sure you have too.

“I have the right to say whatever I want yada, yada, yada”

The funny thing is, the people who feel the need to defend their right to free speech never seem to say anything worth hearing. Those that do, rarely feel the need to defend their ability to speak because they are begged to continue. If anything need to request a break, to catch their breath.

Interesting eh?

So if any of the following situations apply to you, you might want to re-think your communication strategy (unless your goal is to be avoided and alone – then you’re on the right track)

1) Repeat conversations and confidences so people will pay attention to you when you’re not the centre of attention
2) You don’t care if no one else thinks it’s funny when you do
3) You think people are stupid for taking offence when you’re just trying to have a little bit of fun
4) You are shocked and horrified when people turn the tables and do the same to you… How DARE they

Seriously, that old adage about treat people as you want to be treated has never been truer.

Posted in Just Plain Rude | Tagged | Leave a comment

soda-less?

Posted on October 27, 2010 by Snarky

I loved my Dad. He was one of the life-smartest men in the world. He could figure out the answer to any problem no matter what it was… well except for computers, but that’s a different story (anyone with parents over 65 will understand).

Despite his intelligence, he seemed think he was invincable and flirted outrageously with diabetes. Every time he came back from a check-up where his number had dropped, he’d start eating to get it back up.

One day we were chatting on Skype and he was all proud of himself for cutting soda out of his diet (his number had just gone up, so he was actually obeying the doctor’s orders for a change). He got up to let Mom talk to us, only to return a few minutes later with some homemade wine. Even through the webcam it looked really watery.

I made the mistake of asking.

Daddy laughed. He said the wine was so strong they had to cut it with 7-up/Sprite.

Uhhh… Daddy THAT’S SODA!!!

 

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maybe it should have been brain surgery

Posted on October 26, 2010 by Snarky

This seems to be a theme week here at Snarkicism – let’s talk about health.

I have a really good mix of friends, some are old and fat, some are young and fat, some are old and skinny some are young and skinny, the rest of us fall somewhere in between.

A few of us went out to an concert the other night and then afterwards went to get a drink. At the concert I had the misfortune to sit between two of my bigger friends.

I’ll admit I’m not exactly small, but at least I don’t overflow into the next seat…

Needless to say, I spent the entire concert precariously balanced on the outer edge of my seat because there was no room left in my chair for me.

Later at the restaurant, we had to wait for a table because one of the girl’s couldn’t fit into the booth… and I mean this literally. There was not enough room between the seat and table for her to slide in.

Once we were seated, we chatted about stuff and I learned that this same girl had just had bypass surgery. She scoffed at how the doctor told her to lose weight…and I quote “What does being fat have to do with your heart?”

Posted in Sheer Stupidity | Leave a comment

healthy choices

Posted on October 25, 2010 by Snarky

So I was out with a friend of mine the other day to pick up some groceries. He’d just come back from the doctor’s office and he’d been told to limit his salt intake.

The doctor’s words sent him into a panic, he suddenly started looking at the salt content on food labels.

Now, I’m normally pretty supportive and quite knowledgable regarding food. Reading labels isn’t new to me so I was keen to help him.

He’s a stereotypical bachelor, so I didn’t roll my eyes too much when we looked at canned soups. Soup is better than some other options. Although I did have to laugh when he was willing to buy a flavour of soup he didn’t like because it had 5 less grams of sodium.

I was even helpful when it came to canned vegetables, even though I did mention that frozen veggies tasted better and had even less salt.

But I walked away when he started comparing bags of potato chips.

SERIOUSLY?!

You made me ponder the merits of taste over 5 grams of salt for something healthy and then go an buy something that has almost twice your daily allowance for a snack?

SMACK UP THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!

Posted in Sheer Stupidity | Tagged , | Leave a comment

horny old coot

Posted on October 15, 2010 by Snarky

I was coming home on the bus around midnight last night when there was a commotion at the front entryway of the bus.

This delightful, older lady, no taller than 5’2″ and I’d guess no younger than 65, had just boarded the bus. She was all dressed in pink clutching a pretty white purse.

The bus driver had apparently asked her how she was.

“Horny old coot. I’m going to kick him to the curb. I’m too old for this ss… stuff” she slammed her purse down on the bag storage area just behind the driver. “He want’s to go steady, but his idea of steady isn’t the same as mine.”

The driver, who apparently has talked to her before, asked, “What does he thinks it is?”

She replied, “Well to me, going steady is one on one, to him it’s five on one. He’s emailing other girls right in front of me. He showed me their email and all they want to do is have sex with him.”

The driver murmured something sympathetic.

I had to look down, she was so indignant… and so cute. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

As she got off the bus a few minutes later she stopped and looked around at the driver (who was probably around 50 and really quite attractive) “You seem like a nice man.”

“My wife thinks so too.”

She sighed. “All the good ones are taken.”

*** Blast – I was hoping men would settle down a bit when they got older

Posted in On Transit, Overheard | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

doing dishes while cooking

Posted on October 13, 2010 by Snarky

Maybe I shouldn’t complain, many of my friends would kill to have their husbands (or significant others) help out with the housework but there are times…

Case in point, my husband and I would prepare the evening meal together. It gave us a chance to recap our day and de-stress. He liked to clean more than cook, so he would look after the breakfast dishes (yeah so we left them in the sink all day – don’t judge me) while I prepared the meal.

All would go smoothly until I reached for the spoon I’d placed on the stove to stir the pot, only to discover both it and the spoon rest it was sitting on, were gone.

“Oh I put them in the dishwasher.” says my darling.

I tried not to sigh, to me it was obvious that I’d need that spoon again as the meal was still cooking. I opened the drawer and retrieved another. Five minutes later it too was gone.

On average, by the time I’d cooked our evening meal, I’d have used four spoons. Regardless of how many times I mentioned efficiency, waste, energy consumption or made him rewash our only silicone spatula (which was also a frequent victim) during meal preparation.

Now we take turns in the kitchen since sharing the load was proving to be more stressful than relaxing.

Posted in At Home | Tagged | Leave a comment

subway crotch shots

Posted on October 12, 2010 by Snarky

Believe it or not… the worst offenders of crotch related offences on transit aren’t the voyeurs.

Most people when faced with someone’s crotch inches away from the end of their nose, try to lean back and look away.

The crotch-etiest offenders lean in close, giving their sitting targets no place to escape. Maybe it’s meant as a punishment for those who managed to get a seat…after all their world becomes a vision of fabric covering places you normally don’t want strangers sticking their noses.

I can’t even say it’s only the guys who are doing it, or that the offender is doing it on purpose (although, the guy who kept ramming his semi-hard dick into my shoulder was definitely on a mission – but that’s a different story).

I saw one chick on the train the other day who while I was coming home from work. She was well dressed (short skirt, heels, blazer), had a purse and a shopping bag in one hand and was texting with the other. Apparently hanging on wasn’t a priority.

Every time the train stopped and started she thrust out her hips to balance herself… right into the face of the elderly lady sitting in the senior’s seating fold-down chair. The poor woman looked horrified each time the crotch came her way (and it’s not like she could put up her hand to push it away).

So a plea from all of us who managed to get a sea on the subway. Please keep your crotch to yourself.

Posted in On Transit | Tagged , | Leave a comment

marketing cents

Posted on October 8, 2010 by Snarky

I saw this in a magazine years ago at a dentist or doctor’s office. I can’t remember and I definitely can’t remember which magazine otherwise I’d give credit and probably request a few dozen reprinted copies to hand out.

The author of the author ridiculed all these stores with their fancy flyers, billboards, TV commercials, subway signs and storefronts plastered with sale posters. Millions of dollars spent to lure customers in to their stores.

The author laughed and said the irony of it all was that they had been there.

They had been customers, until they grew tired of being ignored by salespeople who didn’t know the products well enough to answer their questions anyway. Then, when they got to the cash register, had to interrupt the cashier’s personal conversations, to complete their purchases.

It would have cost so much less, to hire decent staff and train them well, to keep their existing customers than trying to find new ones.

WORD!

Posted in Dumb Business Decisions | Tagged , | Leave a comment

kids and transit

Posted on October 7, 2010 by Snarky

We were talking last night about the transit system. Comparing notes about different reasons the trains get delayed or rerouted.

Like with most big cities we have a problem with suicides. Not enough help for those who desperately need it and many of them take to transit to do the unthinkable hoping for a quick end. I’ve been on a train that stuck one such sad soul.

Unfortunately, his end was not quick nor painless.

Of our group, I was not the only one. A few weeks ago there was another accident. A wheelchair got stuck on go and landed on the tracks in front of the train. Luckily that train was able to stop in time.

But this made us wonder… why do the trains all have these big beautiful windows in the front – where people jostle for space to sit their children?

Posted in On Transit, Parents | Leave a comment