Now I know that doesn’t sound like a big thing, yet I’m sure there is more than one person out there who is drooling a little bit because I found toilet paper.
It’s fuckin’ insane.
I went to the grocery store last Saturday and the shelf was bare. We were down to six rolls. The guys don’t use a lot except for when they have a shit, then they wrap their arm up like a cast before they wipe. (seriously, you can wash your hands if you miss and get a bit on you) but us girls have to use a few sheets every time we go. Watching that roll disappear can feel like watching the clock ticking on a bomb timer.
I hit the drug store and they had five small packs on the shelf and three packs of paper towel. We’re Canadian, so we circled the shelf while keeping a respectful social distance from each other, as each one of us made a pass and grabbed a piece of plastic wrapped, rolled gold. The store opened at eight o’clock and by 8:05 the shelves were empty again.
I had to wait for a prescription so I took my prize to the car and hid it in my trunk. I laughed at the ridiculousness of it. I was hiding toilet paper so someone wouldn’t break into my car and steal it. Seriously, how fucked up is that?
This past Saturday, there was a full shelf of TP in the grocery store. It was all I could do to walk on by without grabbing some. The famine was over and there was plenty to go around. Even though I hadn’t hoarded, it took only a couple of weeks to condition me to panic at the thought of running out of toilet paper.
You want a conspiracy – how’s that for one.
